So Dave needed to have a Conversation…

My phone rang.

I glanced down at my cell phone and saw “Buff Daddy” flashing on the screen.

I sighed.  It was Dave – affectionately called “Buff Daddy” because… well, he was buff and acted like the group’s dad  – but after our crew’s last bunch of antics, I expected sooner or later to get a call…

M.A.T: What’s going on Buff?

DAVE: Hey…

M.A.T: Right. (I paused) So you need to talk.

DAVE: Who told you?!

M.A.T: You did…well your voice did…

DAVE: Mind if I come over?

M.A.T: I’ll be home in ten minutes.

To recap: At the suggestion of Nina, Dave’s wife, Nancy, decided to spice things up with a back door surprise –not her back door mind you…His.

Ever see a straight guy’s expression after what he thinks was his first gay experience?

All jokes aside, it wasn’t pretty.

It was like a combo of doe-eyed amazement, wrapped in perplexity, with the wonder new found discovery, bracketed with bouts of shame, guilt, and conflict.

In a nutshell, he was confused.

I had to bite my tongue from blurting out a condescending “just  get over it!”

But instead…

M.A.T: It’s your wife, dude.

DAVE: Yeah, but-

M.A.T: Your partner in life and love…

DAVE: I know-

M.A.T: If you can’t do the freaky shit with her, then who?

DAVE: I liked it.

M.A.T: Most people do, Dave.

DAVE: No, I really liked it. But I didn’t expect to…

M.A.T: Surprise! Listen, handsome, whatever a couple does to please each should be okay in anyone’s book. You do realize that guys don’t have the monopoly, eh? C’mon, you’ve just added a new trick to your ongoing routine!

M.A.T.: Can I ask you an honest question?

DAVE: Yeah.

M.A.T: Are you attracted to men?  (I gave him my “answer honestly” look.)

DAVE: I find some  guys good-looking.

M.A.T: Do you desire them? Any of them?

DAVE: No. Not really.

M.A.T: Check.  You’re not gay.  You know some guys’ back door play is *never* on the menu?

DAVE: You’re joking right?

M.A.T: (I shook my head.)  Some peeps just aren’t into it.

I saw the metaphorical light-bulb go off.

M.A.T.: And what would you tell one of your boys whose girlfriend won’t give them a blowjob?

DAVE: (grinning like a Chesire cat) What do you mean? He’d be totally missing-

My eyebrow arched.

DAVE: (sigh) Thanks M.A.T.

…but little did I know Nina and Dave’s wife, Nancy, were having their own conversation…(to be continued)

M.A.T.’s Previous Conversation w/Dave & the Gang