Posted Jul 21, 2011 in All Things Sex | 2 Comments

Is It Normal… SEX LIFE

“Is it normal?…” has to be the number one question I get from people.  “Is it normal” is usual followed by any number of sexual preferences, fantasies, genital functioning, etc, etc.  99.9% of the time the answer is a resounding YES.  The other .01% comes from the population of sociopaths, rapists, and pedophiles…

So why the questions?  Why the anxiety around our sexual needs, wants, habits and desires?  A big part of the reason is that we have no idea what our friends and neighbors are up to in their own bedroom.  We are fed this perfect image of what sex and intimacy should look like so we assume that is what everyone is doing behind closed doors. Any derivation from that must mean something is wrong with us.  At this point it seems like “normal” means daily hour long sex sessions, no fail erections, always ready women and men, and of course simultaneous multiple orgasms.  If that doesn’t sound like you, then you’re normal ;)

There are so many expectations put onto our sexuality by every self help book and “better sex” video, that we often feel like we are either totally missing out on all the fun, or defective somehow.  Well I think it’s high time to redefine normal.

-       Normal is: couples with 2 young children who barely have the energy to have sex once a month but still feel happy and connected.
-       Normal is: masturbating!  How else are you going to learn what you like so you can teach your partner?
-       Normal is: being really attracted to the person who is nice and decent, and not necessarily a 10.
-       Normal is: having to use lube! Most of the time natural lubrication just doesn’t cut it.
-       Normal is: not always being in the mood for sex, and that goes for men too.
-       Normal is: wanting to cuddle on the couch and watch TV instead of having sex after a long day of work.  That counts as intimacy and it’s a good thing.
-       Normal is: having strange fantasies and erotic dreams about people or situations you wouldn’t necessarily enjoy in real life.
-       Normal is: wanting to try sex toys, and loving the experience or finding out it’s not your thing.
-       Normal is: needing the extra help or the extra time and stimulation to have an orgasm.
-       Normal is: not really knowing where your g-spot is but having fun trying to figure it out.
-       Normal is: not always having an erection when you want to, but not letting it stop you from enjoying sex
-       Normal is: not being “vaginal” or “clitoral” because in the end there is no perfect orgasm, just your own personalized way of getting off.
-       Normal is: watching porn once in a while even if you’re in a happy committed relationship.
-       Normal is: being 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 and still discovering things about your sexuality that surprise you.

Did you recognize yourself on some of the items in this list? I’m sure you feel a little more “normal” now.  I could probably add a dozen more items to this list of things that are part of daily sexual life, but I’ll throw it back to you.  What would you add to this list? Share with us in the comments; you might help someone else feel like their sex life and intimate life is perfectly normal.

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  1. Got my attention that so many people doesnt know sometimes the basic about sex, maybe due too mant taboos that have been around for so long. Simple answers are just in front of us, we need to be a little more curious.

  2. Thanks for your comment Carol!

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